Death

I found out last week that my Dad/Russ died. He was 86 or so, not sure. He left when I was in high school. Jeff was long gone by then and Brian was in the juvenal Detention center on Phx. My Mum’s world collapsed and so did mine in many ways. When he divorced my Mum he told me that he was also divorcing his kids. He kept his word. Denied knowing us….

For the longest time I had the hope of crashing his funeral and getting up and telling everybody what an ass he was. I also had high hopes of telling everybody there how great we “Balda Kids” and turned out. He was an ass, yes, but there is not much to tell about us kids. Jeff has become a hoarder and at the age of almost 60 is living off my Mum. Brian can’t be found. I have tried on my own to find his (for the sake of Mum) but I may just have to hire a private investigator.

I digress… death of a father…. I understand that he died in a nursing home and that Lori (Judy’s daughter) ‘took good care of him’. How nice that somebody was there for him as his kidneys shut down. I found on face book that Judy died in 2018. I try hard to find one good thing I got from my father but I can’t seem to find one. I did however get his genes for being a alcoholic.

I am not sure if I should be sad or happy or what to feel. I didn’t think alot about my Dad before I found out he died, but now I find myself thinking about him. Not in a bad way, just thoughts of this and that. I do wish he had known what became of me. How I turned out. Despite everything I think I am doing ok right now.